{"id":163,"date":"2025-10-19T14:44:42","date_gmt":"2025-10-19T14:44:42","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/badvibes.live\/?p=163"},"modified":"2025-10-19T14:44:42","modified_gmt":"2025-10-19T14:44:42","slug":"my-ex-secretly-recorded-me-but-that-wasnt-the-worst-of-his-abuse","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/badvibes.live\/?p=163","title":{"rendered":"My ex secretly recorded me \u2013 but that wasn\u2019t the worst of his abuse"},"content":{"rendered":"

I was having a shower when it happened.<\/p>\n

It was 10 years ago. My infant\u00a0<\/strong>daughter was in her bedroom while I was in the bathroom.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t know why I turned around, but I did, and what I saw terrified me.<\/p>\n

My then-partner was recording me.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I was horrified; but he\u00a0<\/strong>was in hysterics. He thought it was hilarious.<\/p>\n

I wish that was an isolated incident, but the fact is throughout\u00a0<\/strong>our five-and-a-half year relationship, my ex \u2013 the father of my daughter \u2013\u202fwas\u00a0abusive<\/a>.<\/p>\n

It was horrific \u2013\u202fbut it was made even worse by the fact that, when I eventually reported his abuse, the\u00a0police didn\u2019t help me.<\/a><\/p>\n

For my ex, it was all about\u00a0control<\/a>.<\/p>\n

My daughter and I had a curfew; we were only allowed out for three hours at a time, and only on certain days.<\/p>\n

When we were allowed out, we had to run by him first where we were going and who we were seeing \u2013\u202fand those three hours included our travelling time.<\/p>\n

We weren\u2019t able to see my\u00a0family<\/a>, which was hard, but when I did mention it, my ex threatened to kill me or attack me with acid.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Recording me in the shower wasn\u2019t the first time he\u2019d just come in without my knowing, or even the first time he\u2019d spied on us.<\/p>\n

I also found a recording device in my daughter\u2019s room once, when I was cleaning there.<\/p>\n

In the days after he\u2019d made the video of\u00a0<\/strong>me in the shower, I begged him to delete it; but he wouldn\u2019t. He just made one big joke out of it.<\/p>\n

\u2018You should have seen your face,\u2019 he\u2019d say, as well as threatening to show the recording to this person or that person.<\/p>\n

He had total control over our lives; we had no freedom<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Just before the pandemic, I discovered a shocking secret that was actually a huge relief.<\/p>\n

He was married to someone else.<\/p>\n

Finally, I felt like I had a ticket out\u00a0<\/strong>\u2013 but he didn\u2019t accept this as a reason to end the relationship. He carried on with the abuse and ownership of both me and my child.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

I broke things off before the start of the pandemic; but he kept turning up at our flat at random times, every single day. Whenever he turned up, I refused to let him in,\u00a0<\/strong>but around September of that year, he tried to force his way in and assaulted me and my daughter.<\/p>\n

It was at that point that I went to the police; not just because of that incident, but because of the long campaign of\u00a0domestic abuse<\/a>, including his recording of me in the shower.<\/p>\n

I\u2019d been keeping track of the abuse throughout our relationship, just in case, maintaining a diary of the abusive incidents and recording him when I could. All in all, I had over 20 screenshots, audio\u00a0<\/strong>recordings and videos documenting the abuse.<\/p>\n

But it wasn\u2019t enough.<\/p>\n

I went back and forth with the police for around two years. At first, they decided to close the case, despite the fact that they hadn\u2019t yet taken any evidence off me. They said they wanted to focus on the\u00a0rape<\/a>\u00a0and the assault before looking into the domestic abuse.<\/p>\n

I had a prohibited steps order in place during this period, which meant he wasn\u2019t allowed to come within a certain distance of mine and my daughters home.<\/p>\n

I was told by the police that, while they had closed my initial case, I could reopen a new case, so I started all over again and had to resubmit all the evidence\u00a0<\/strong>via a link the police had sent me.<\/p>\n

I think the police need to reevaluate how they decide what is and isn\u2019t enough evidence to arrest someone for domestic abuse<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Eventually, I managed to speak to an officer who seemed very optimistic that we\u2019d be able to take the case further. She listened to me carefully and acknowledged all the evidence.<\/p>\n

But then, a day or so after we spoke, she\u00a0<\/strong>called me, hugely apologetic. \u2018I\u2019m so, so sorry,\u2019 she said. \u2018But I\u2019ve taken everything you sent me down to the Domestic Abuse unit and they\u2019ve said there isn\u2019t enough evidence.\u2019<\/p>\n

She went on to explain that domestic abuse is a muddy territory, evidence-wise, and very hard to prove but I was heartbroken. I\u2019d spent years putting myself at risk \u2013\u202frecording, screenshotting, carefully keeping a note of everything. I\u2019d thought it would be crystal clear.<\/p>\n

I was absolutely gutted.<\/p>\n

My daughter and I left town in secret to\u00a0<\/strong>put an end to my ex\u2019s in-person harassment.\u00a0<\/strong>But our lives are still controlled: to keep ourselves safe we avoid putting our names on anything, which means we miss out on lots of community support and connection.<\/p>\n

But, we did escape and now we\u2019ve now got our lovely little home and a beautiful family.<\/p>\n

Around five years ago I met my now-husband.\u00a0<\/strong>We have two more children. When my ex was abusing me I wasn\u2019t allowed to work, but now I have a job I love.<\/p>\n

There\u2019s nothing my\u00a0<\/strong>daughter\u202f<\/strong>loves more than being a big sister; but she\u2019s still going through\u00a0therapy<\/a>, after everything my ex did to her.<\/p>\n

And my ex is still trying to get personal information about me, via the courts. Over the last five years, he\u2019s put more than a dozen applications into the court for contact with my daughter.<\/p>\n

Ultimately, I think the police really need to reevaluate how they decide what is and isn\u2019t enough evidence to arrest someone for domestic abuse.<\/p>\n

I went to them with 27 pieces of evidence \u2013\u202f including multiple recordings where you could hear him threatening to kill me or throw acid on me, and a recording of the assault, clear as day.<\/p>\n

But nothing happened.<\/p>\n

Domestic abuse shouldn\u2019t be \u2018muddy water\u2019. Women go to the police after enduring years of torture, only to be told there isn\u2019t enough of a case. Police need to approach cases from the perspective of believing survivors and taking evidence seriously.<\/p>\n

The system urgently needs to change; and fast.<\/p>\n

Right now, it\u2019s not good enough \u2013 and too many women are left unsafe and unprotected as a result.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I was having a shower when it happened. It was 10 years ago. My infant\u00a0daughter was in her bedroom while I was in the bathroom. I don\u2019t know why I turned around, but I did, and what I saw terrified me. My then-partner was recording me.   I was horrified; but he\u00a0was in hysterics. He […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":166,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-163","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t