Being in the throes of a particularly hot, steamy sex session can be discombobulating.
The combination of hormones flooding your brain is an especially heady combination — and these mind-altering effects continue after climax, to the point you might struggle to think straight afterwards.
However, according to a 2023 study from Lovehoney, not all of us are focusing while we’re in the midst of the deed.
One in eight admit to worrying about how good the sex is and 53% are concerned about not finishing too quickly, while 51% say they ponder whether the sex is better or worse than it usually is.
Interestingly, 38% have also found their thoughts wandering to a person other than their partner, and 29% were preoccupied with household chores. Hey, when the bin needs emptying, it needs emptying, right?
Actual content of our sexy thoughts aside though, what’s actually going on inside our brains in the moment? We asked the experts.
Your brain floods with dopamine
As Sachchidananda Maiti, a gynaecologist at Pall Mall, tells Metro, an orgasm can be likened to a ‘full-body fireworks show,’ setting off reactions everywhere, from your brain to your skin.
‘When you reach climax, your body goes through a rollercoaster of changes, some obvious, others surprisingly weird,’ he explains.
‘Your brain floods with dopamine, oxytocin, and endorphins, the same chemicals linked to deep relaxation and happiness.’
In case you need a refresh, dopamine is a neurotransmitter responsible for helping us to feel pleasure and motivation — the one people living with ADHD and Parkinson’s Disease are deficient in. Alongside sex, things like listening to music, exercise, and getting enough sunlight can all help boost it.
Brain scans show that, when it comes to this, an orgasm lights up the same areas of the brain that certain drugs do, which would go some way towards explaining that ‘post-orgasmic daze’.
Dopamine isn’t the only big name here, either: it might be the party hormone that’s responsible for that feel-good vibe, but serotonin (impacting everything from mood and sleep to appetite, digestion, and blood clotting) also skyrockets after climax, leaving you feeling both ‘happy and calm.’
That said, it’s worth noting that orgasm isn’t always the end-goal of sex, and it can be just as satisfying whether you get there or not.
Women in particular may not reach climax every time; a 2022 study from YouGov showed that women are much less likely to finish during intercourse, with just three in 10 (30%) reporting orgasming every time they had partnered sex, compared to 61% of guys.
Still, just because the Orgasm Gap positions women’s fulfilment as ‘less than’ men’s, there’s no benchmark when it comes to great sex, and putting pressure on yourself to do anything will only worsen the experience. If you’re enjoying it, that’s what matters.
Parts of your brain ‘shut down’
During orgasm, the brain also closes off what Sachchidananda refers to as its ‘thinking and worrying centres’ (but if you want to get fancy, the scientific name for this system is the nucleus accumbens and ventral tegmental area) to let you ‘fully enjoy the moment.’
‘Meanwhile, the part of your brain responsible for pleasure and motivation – the reward centre – becomes highly active,’ he explains, adding that in turn, this facilitates ‘intense feelings of enjoyment.’
In addition, function in the part of the brain responsible for judgement (the oft-referenced pre-frontal cortex) slows, which as Sachchidananda says, might help you to feel ‘less self-conscious or anxious.’
Basically, if you’re stressed, maybe you just need to get down and dirty to clear your head.
Your emotional centre becomes more active
It comes as little surprise that your emotions can also be stimulated by sex — again, if you’re into it, the nerdy word for the area where these are controlled is the amygdala.
This can make your feelings stronger and heighten excitement, triggering the body’s command centre to create physical responses like an increasing heartbeat or breathing pattern, as well as dilated pupils.
‘During orgasm, your brain coordinates a big celebration in its “pleasure, emotion, movement, and imagination” regions, while the “worry and control” section takes a break,’ Sachchidananda concludes.
‘This lets you really let go and enjoy the experience, whether you’re alone or with someone else.’
Is it just sex that impacts your brain chemicals?
It’s not just full-on sex that can change your brain chemistry; more generally, physical touch can be hugely beneficial.
In fact, Gigi Engel, sexologist and sex educator at sextoys.co.uk tells Metro that studies suggest physical touch can actually increase our longevity.
She explains: ‘There are a lot of people whose lifespan decreases because they’re experiencing what’s called touch starvation, which is when humans aren’t experiencing the physical touch that you get from your partner.
‘Another thing that can happen during non-sexual touch, such as hugging, is a thing called co-regulation, which is when your nervous system takes on the same cadence as the person you’re being physically intimate with.’
So, as Gigi explains, when you hug someone, if they’re feeling calm, that sentiment might rub off on you, too, automatically soothing your nervous system and bringing back that grounding sense of tranquility.
What about after sex?
While we’ve explored the idea that sex isn’t exclusively about orgasm, Gigi explains that those who do reach this sexual chapter will feel a more intense ‘release’ than otherwise, one which can essentially reset your nervous system.
The show doesn’t necessarily end there either, as post-orgasm, the brain releases a neurochemical called prolactin, which Gigi describes as a ‘calming hormone’ that can make you feel sleepy.
If you’ve ever had a partner who’s in the land of nod before you’ve even got your bearings after sex, that’ll be why.
